{"id":86963,"date":"2025-07-23T07:05:00","date_gmt":"2025-07-23T12:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/?p=86963"},"modified":"2025-07-28T08:29:42","modified_gmt":"2025-07-28T13:29:42","slug":"how-to-create-and-manage-boundaries-when-you-hire-a-friend-as-an-employee","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/how-to-create-and-manage-boundaries-when-you-hire-a-friend-as-an-employee\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Create and Manage Boundaries When You Hire a Friend as an Employee"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

You\u2019re hiring<\/a> for a new role at your company, your long-time friend happens to be in the market, you know the wonderful work they\u2019re capable of, and boom. Great success can follow when you harness the power of a caring and supportive relationship<\/a> to achieve your professional goals. But with unclear workplace dynamics and a power differential now entering the group chat, it\u2019s also possible your once-steady friendship could be disrupted\u2026 or even destroyed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\"SUCCESS<\/a>\n\n\n\n

Here’s how both your business and relationship can survive and thrive amid this major change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meg and Nicole: From best friends to boss and employee<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Meg Behrens<\/a> and Nicole Haisma<\/a> first met at Lafayette High School\u2019s<\/a> freshman class orientation in summer 1998, striking up a solid friendship that continues to this day. When Behrens, founder and principal designer of Meg Behrens Design<\/a>, was looking to bring on an additional designer this past year, Haisma and her functional life experience instantly came to mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Haisma designed the space and created the vision and aesthetics for In Bloom<\/a>, a Paso Robles, CA restaurant she co-owns with her husband Chris. She also is a real estate broker who spent years staging homes and updating kitchens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI kept hiring junior designers who were great at drafting, but they needed a lot of direction,\u201d Behrens says. \u201cRunning the business was already a full-time job, and I love the creative side too\u2014but balancing both was overwhelming. I really needed someone with strong creative instincts and the ability to communicate well with clients.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After collaborating on a test project, designing In Bloom\u2019s tasting room Nix Cellars<\/a>, Behrens officially hired Haisma to work for her firm on a per-project basis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWith no risk, there’s no reward,\u201d Haisma says. \u201cWe both kind of talked about how we could define the roles and delegate certain projects and we [thought], \u2018Why would we not?\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leadership consultant and psychologist Vincent Miles<\/a> believes a key benefit of hiring someone you have a pre-existing relationship with is that you truly know that person and their quirks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou kind of know what you’re getting with that individual, where their strengths might lie and there\u2019s less unknowns [than] if you\u2019re hiring someone completely random.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With previous new hires Behrens sometimes felt they were taking her comments personally, not as constructive criticism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt’s just completely opposite with Nicole, where I can tell her what’s up and the job gets done,\u201d Behrens says. \u201cWe already have that comradery\u2026 [and] I’m not going to hurt her feelings over it\u2026. sometimes I feel like you’re stepping on people\u2019s toes, but at the end of the day [it\u2019s] your vision [and] you need it done correctly.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arizona-based Behrens and California-based Haisma often collaborate over FaceTime and phone calls, addressing at the outset if the conversation will address a project or their personal lives. That\u2019s helpful, Haisma says, in order to show up in the right role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cWe kind of set those expectations,\u201d Haisma says. \u201cAnd so [we] can show up and just really be supportive depending on what we’re trying to have a conversation about.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While someone else in the organization might feel apprehensive to float a new idea or voice a concern, given their lower position or limited tenure, Miles says that with a preexisting friendship, the subordinate position might be more comfortable speaking up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Haisma is often able to take that approach with Behrens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c[Nicole] might even say something to me like, \u2018Oh, I don’t know, I kind of feel like we should go this way,\u2019\u201d Behrens says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Given their relationship and the foundation of trust they already have, Behrens will then consider Haisma\u2019s suggestions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But be careful\u2026<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Miles thinks that the hiring person could easily fall into the trap of seeing their friend as an idealized version of an employee, or even a perfect one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe have to remember that they’re going to make errors and leave space for that so that we’re not frustrated,\u201d he says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To maintain a peaceful environment, Miles says a boss should help set their friend up to be treated like any other employee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt’s really important that that individual is seen by their peers as an equal without preferential treatment, without any kind of favor.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Haisma and Behrens believe salary should be discussed in advance, as finances often can be an uncomfortable topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou need to be very direct and you need to set the expectations for the involvement and the amount of work that you’re doing and the compensation that you’re going to receive,\u201d Haisma says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To make sure you come to an agreement, Miles suggests navigating from a boss\u2019s perspective rather than that of a friend\u2019s, or bringing Human Resources into the negotiations. And if you\u2019re unable to involve a third-party, Miles agrees with Haisma that communicating clearly is critical and will help take pressure off the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFor example, I\u2019m not giving you a salary range or something specific because of how I feel about you. I\u2019m effectively saying, \u2018This is what the business can support. This is what would be fair and comparable.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if things appear to be going well, Behrens still advises that you have an exit strategy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJust have that clear definition of, \u2018Hey, if it doesn’t work\u2026 it’s not going to ruin our friendship,\u2019\u201d she says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, that friendship will evolve. Miles says you might encounter a different version of your friend when they\u2019re in boss mode.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThey might not be as soft or willing to hold your hand at times. And that relationship or that individual\u2019s emotions might kind of ebb and flow based on how business is going.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If like Behrens and Haisma you both are able to roll with the changes to your relationship hiring a friend will bring, you can also reap the many rewards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI can become a better designer because of the things I’m learning from Meg,\u201d Haisma says. \u201cAnd then some of the things that I’ve just been doing along the years, Meg is like, \u2018That’s a cool idea\u2026.\u2019 So we’re making each other better\u2026 owning our strengths, [and] pushing each other to keep expanding.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Photo from fizkes\/Shutterstock.com<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Great success can follow when you harness the power of a caring and supportive <a href=\"https:\/\/www.success.com\/your-relationship-with-work-is-competing-with-your-personal-relationships-it-doesnt-have-to\/\">relationship<\/a> to achieve your professional goals. But with unclear workplace dynamics and a power differential now entering the group chat, it\u2019s also possible your once-steady friendship could be disrupted\u2026 or even destroyed.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:html -->\n\n<!-- \/wp:html -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Here's how both your business and relationship can survive and thrive amid this major change.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-meg-and-nicole-from-best-friends-to-boss-and-employee\"><strong>Meg and Nicole: From best friends to boss and employee<\/strong><\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/megan-clark-behrens-6b577416\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Meg Behrens<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.megbehrensdesign.com\/team\/nicole-haisma\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Nicole Haisma<\/a> first met at <a href=\"https:\/\/lafayette.rsdmo.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Lafayette High School\u2019s<\/a> freshman class orientation in summer 1998, striking up a solid friendship that continues to this day. When Behrens, founder and principal designer of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.megbehrensdesign.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Meg Behrens Design<\/a>, was looking to bring on an additional designer this past year, Haisma and her functional life experience instantly came to mind.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Haisma designed the space and created the vision and aesthetics for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.inbloompasorobles.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">In Bloom<\/a>, a Paso Robles, CA restaurant she co-owns with her husband Chris. She also is a real estate broker who spent years staging homes and updating kitchens.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cI kept hiring junior designers who were great at drafting, but they needed a lot of direction,\u201d Behrens says. \u201cRunning the business was already a full-time job, and I love the creative side too\u2014but balancing both was overwhelming. I really needed someone with strong creative instincts and the ability to communicate well with clients.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>After collaborating on a test project, designing In Bloom\u2019s tasting room <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nixcellars.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Nix Cellars<\/a>, Behrens officially hired Haisma to work for her firm on a per-project basis.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cWith no risk, there's no reward,\u201d Haisma says. \u201cWe both kind of talked about how we could define the roles and delegate certain projects and we [thought], \u2018Why would we not?\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Leadership consultant and psychologist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/dr-miles\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Vincent Miles<\/a> believes a key benefit of hiring someone you have a pre-existing relationship with is that you truly know that person and their quirks.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cYou kind of know what you're getting with that individual, where their strengths might lie and there\u2019s less unknowns [than] if you\u2019re hiring someone completely random.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>With previous new hires Behrens sometimes felt they were taking her comments personally, not as constructive criticism.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cIt's just completely opposite with Nicole, where I can tell her what's up and the job gets done,\u201d Behrens says. \u201cWe already have that comradery\u2026 [and] I'm not going to hurt her feelings over it\u2026. sometimes I feel like you're stepping on people\u2019s toes, but at the end of the day [it\u2019s] your vision [and] you need it done correctly.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Arizona-based Behrens and California-based Haisma often collaborate over FaceTime and phone calls, addressing at the outset if the conversation will address a project or their personal lives. That\u2019s helpful, Haisma says, in order to show up in the right role.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p> \u201cWe kind of set those expectations,\u201d Haisma says. \u201cAnd so [we] can show up and just really be supportive depending on what we're trying to have a conversation about.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>While someone else in the organization might feel apprehensive to float a new idea or voice a concern, given their lower position or limited tenure, Miles says that with a preexisting friendship, the subordinate position might be more comfortable speaking up.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Haisma is often able to take that approach with Behrens.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201c[Nicole] might even say something to me like, \u2018Oh, I don't know, I kind of feel like we should go this way,\u2019\u201d Behrens says.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Given their relationship and the foundation of trust they already have, Behrens will then consider Haisma\u2019s suggestions.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading -->\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-but-be-careful\"><strong>But be careful\u2026<\/strong><\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Miles thinks that the hiring person could easily fall into the trap of seeing their friend as an idealized version of an employee, or even a perfect one.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cWe have to remember that they're going to make errors and leave space for that so that we're not frustrated,\u201d he says. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>To maintain a peaceful environment, Miles says a boss should help set their friend up to be treated like any other employee.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cIt's really important that that individual is seen by their peers as an equal without preferential treatment, without any kind of favor.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Haisma and Behrens believe salary should be discussed in advance, as finances often can be an uncomfortable topic.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cYou need to be very direct and you need to set the expectations for the involvement and the amount of work that you're doing and the compensation that you're going to receive,\u201d Haisma says.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>To make sure you come to an agreement, Miles suggests navigating from a boss\u2019s perspective rather than that of a friend\u2019s, or bringing Human Resources into the negotiations. And if you\u2019re unable to involve a third-party, Miles agrees with Haisma that communicating clearly is critical and will help take pressure off the relationship.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cFor example, I\u2019m not giving you a salary range or something specific because of how I feel about you. I\u2019m effectively saying, \u2018This is what the business can support. This is what would be fair and comparable.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Even if things appear to be going well, Behrens still advises that you have an exit strategy.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cJust have that clear definition of, \u2018Hey, if it doesn't work\u2026 it's not going to ruin our friendship,\u2019\u201d she says. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Still, that friendship will evolve. Miles says you might encounter a different version of your friend when they\u2019re in boss mode.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cThey might not be as soft or willing to hold your hand at times. And that relationship or that individual\u2019s emotions might kind of ebb and flow based on how business is going.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>If like Behrens and Haisma you both are able to roll with the changes to your relationship hiring a friend will bring, you can also reap the many rewards.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>\u201cI can become a better designer because of the things I'm learning from Meg,\u201d Haisma says. \u201cAnd then some of the things that I've just been doing along the years, Meg is like, \u2018That's a cool idea\u2026.\u2019 So we're making each other better\u2026 owning our strengths, [and] pushing each other to keep expanding.\u201d<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph {\"fontSize\":\"small\"} -->\n<p class=\"has-small-font-size\"><strong><em>Photo from fizkes\/Shutterstock.com<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p><\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->","tag_names":[],"post_attachment_urls":[],"author_email":"jmcdonnell@mailinator.com","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86963","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/32324"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=86963"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86963\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/86965"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=86963"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=86963"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.success.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=86963"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}